Wednesday 25 March 2015

Rape & Abuse - A question of education?


This is not a story, but it surely starts with a story. It goes like this:

I often chat with a young friend of mine. He is a research scholar in a very reputed University. He would disappear from Whats App and FB often not to be seen or heard for long spans. It was one of his sudden appearances on Whats App, left me wondering about my destination as a socially conscious person.

After exchanging pleasantries, (and he is a very courteous person) I asked him about what has been keeping him busy. The university he hails from had recently hosted one of the biggest seminar and workshop on women's security. So I asked him whether he was a part of that seminar and the union which had hosted it. The conversation went thus:

M: Are you a part of the Union and did you take part in the Seminar?
A: Why did you ask me that? No I am not.
M: But why weren't you? I thought it was a wonderful effort by the University. In today's age where
      women are under constant threat and attacks to bring the issues of rape and abuse and attacks on
      women to a common platform with such good speakers, it was indeed commendable.
A: Hmm. May be.  May I ask you something?
M: Yep, ask.
A: Who are these people who abused and raped women?
M: (Being a socially outspoken person,I replied) Well these are the people who have lots of
      aggression in them to the point that they become brutally violent. Mental debilitating factors
      also work.
A: Ok. I agree but are these the same men or boys that you interact with everyday?
M: See abusers and rapers can exist anywhere. They have a problem as far as the thought process are
      concerned.
A: No, you are not getting my point, who are prostitutes?
M: Come on A, we all know prostitution emerges out of poverty and illiteracy. (here I too paused for       a moment and my mind was racing) But A, prostitution is a profession where as raping is not.
A: So answer me who are these people who rape and do not go for paid sex? Is it poverty and
     illiteracy only?
M: (In a complete counselor's voice) Well men, who are educated, comes from a good background,
      are culturally aware and have high moral sense will never indulge in such heinous crime. This    
     do not apply only to men even to women. ( Problem emerged even when I was indulging in such l
      long rhetoric sentences it sounded hollow to my ears) Well what do you say?
A: You understand that , I understand that but the ones who rape women irrespective of their age,
      do they really understand this?

To say the least I was stumped. I believe I am a person who believes in a semblance of what, we term as "Equality among genders". Then, when we preach and teach men in general about how they should respect their woman kind and how we should educate our men to be responsible people, are we really on the right track? Are we preaching to those who anyway won't harm an ant let alone raping a woman?
These are certain questions which A posed and he is all of 26 years of age and doing technical scientific research. Well, I am on my search and getting ready to answer him, because he deserves to know and so do we.

Sunday 8 March 2015

Women's Day - Some thoughts.

Women's Day- Random Thoughts.



(When I started writing this post, the first thing that came to my mind was -Why celebrate a special day? I am pretty glad that I am a woman and have never regretted the fact despite many trials and tribulations in my life. Being born as a girl child , we all face discrimination one way or the other in some ways and some forms, some mild and some severe. But that should never take away the flavor of being a women from us. Instead of trying to show the world that we are as good as men
( the thought itself reeks of bias) why can't we find our own niche in life? Is it really the society around us or we ourselves that grow up with many shackled thoughts? There are many facets of being a women....Have we really learned to enjoy those facets?)


: Wish you all a Happy Women’s day!

: Really? Today ? Women’s day?

: Yes, you didn't know?
: Know what? Actually I feel happy every day, so just didn't know what else to feel.
: You are kidding! Today is our special day. We celebrate it!
: We do? Do we? How?

:Well for one, you wish everyone in FB in a single post with a , meaningful deep message and a picture from Google images. Then you message everyone in What’s app ‘Happy Women’s day’. :)

: My God! You worked so hard! I mean individually to everyone! Taking such pain to make every woman feel good on this special day! Vow!

: Wait, wait. It was easier on What’s App. I just forwarded the messages,someone had sent to me and so on. It’s just that. J

: Oh! Ok. And then? I mean any more good news?
: Oh yes. Don’t you listen to news? Our PM has pledged a war on crime against women. There we have done it J
: We have? I mean finally Government will take a good look at women’s  safety issues?

: Yes. He is already doing it, you know . I mean after he convinces PDP that all is well and they can do as they wish at the expense of taxpayers, and strategies how to solve other major problems like 'Swachh Bharat' corruption, political juggling and alignment, controlling all the wings -be it left or right, getting his personalized suit auctioned, and multiple trips to cover all the countries in the world, while he is PM (it is a cramped schedule and a tough job, you know?)  he will surely take this up.

: Hmm.  So anything more? Till now I haven’t heard anything new. Any special offer or any exclusive service for women?
: Yes, yes . After today all women are beautiful and safe. There are special offer on Snapdeal and Amazon and many other e-commerce site only for women on Women’s Day.
: Really? But tell me have we really thought beyond it? Are we really talking of a progressive society here or just fashionably progressive ? You know customized women's empowerment?
: AAAAAA..... Erm, what is that? What is that thinking beyond? Beyond what?

: Women and happiness has always been related to the overall well being of the society. Have we taken a good look at the concepts of our society? Have we changed  our families enough to treat both boys and girls as equal? I mean equal to the extent that no special favors are done to them, on the basis of their gender? Have we educated all women and taught them not be a harbinger of the discrimination themselves while being mothers/sisters/sister-in-laws/mother-in-laws? 

When men ask for dowry, as a mother and a wife  do we protest and not let this crime to continue? Have we convinced all parents to make their daughters strong enough so that she can distinguish between  right and wrong? Have we convinced all the parents not to mollycoddle their daughters and instead make them street smart so that they can take care of themselves and know about the dangers lurking in the dark?
Have we been successful in not taking advantage of the fact that we are women and stop being an inactive person letting others pamper us and take all the decisions ? Have we stopped looking for a neighborhood college for our daughters instead of making them mentally and physically strong so that they can avail best of education wherever they please? 

Have we taught our society that women deserve to be accepted in all colors and forms and not on the basis of their vital statistics? Have we even taught our daughters to sense danger and be away from it? Have we given ourselves and our children(irrespective of gender) enough freedom to chose the suitable path in their lives and maybe learn from their mistakes?

: But....How can we do all these? When?

: No we cannot, because we are busy telling our daughters, what they shouldn't do and not what all they can do, if only they focus. We are busy being scared and protect our daughters more and more, hide them teach them how to hide, teach them how not to dress, instead of telling them that whatever they wear should make them feel confident and add to their self esteem. We are busy designing petite clothes for women and then tell them that they cannot wear it because men’s pheromones may act up. We are busy telling our daughters that, whatever profession they may chose but they must keep marriage in mind. We are too busy telling them with every little action that they are the weaker sex and thus tell them that they are beautiful and not ‘capable, confident and courageous’ .  They day, each mother and each father and each member of the family treat each  member(irrespective of gender) of the family with equal respect, love honor and make them confident and self dependent, with enough space provided for the freedom of choice we will not have a special day kept aside for women to tell them that they are ‘beautiful’, and special laws need to be made to keep them safe.

( I know I was on a roll there, but this needed to be said because the rut is deep down within each one of us, either we are too loud or do not speak at all.
And last but not the least, some rotten mentality does not represent the gender called: Men. By discrimination and special favors we are only giving rise to a resistant mentality where even men feel cornered at times)